Trying to Keep Up with a Body that Keeps Changing
Content note: This post discusses topics related to body image, food, and exercise. If you are currently struggling with disordered eating, please read with care and reach out for support if needed.
The Connection
There are many types of relationships we expect to change over time. Those we love may move, begin to see the world more differently, experience changes in their capacity for relationship, and more. There are so many reasons why our relationships with other people change. One relationship I often find neglected in this type of reflection is our relationship to our own body. Not only are our minds constantly ebbing and flowing with new ideas, old lingering emotions, fresh challenges, and responses to the world around us, but our bodies experience similar movements as well.
I see this in my own body in so many small ways. Sometimes the food I enjoyed for breakfast is no longer satisfying, sometimes the hill in my neighborhood feels especially challenging to surmount, or the cut on my leg is finally healed. There are so many ways that our body shows us its constant change. But how do we stay connected to a part of ourselves that is consistently escaping us?! For those of us experiencing overwhelm, stress, or anxiety, it can be easy to lean into a desire to control our bodies, to tame them, or make them behave. We hyperfocus on our exercise. We restrict certain foods or drinks. We chase the perfect haircut, tattoo, or outfit to make our body look how we feel on the inside.
Recognizing the Relationship
Noticing our relationship with our body can be daunting. It can reveal to us how we may play with the line between self-care and our desire for control.
To accept an ever-changing body is to in part accept a lack of control over our own existence. We cannot use our hypervigilance, time, and energy to fully guarantee our health, our connections, or our attractiveness. This is a difficult truth to look at straight on. I recognize my own relationship with reality to be anything but linear! But as we work to connect more with our bodies than control them, there is more grace and love that we can feel for ourselves and the resilience we muster.
Now what?
For most of us, the current connection we feel to our body is rightfully complicated. You've likely witnessed your body change sizes or shapes and experienced others' opinions of bodies whether you asked for it or not. It would be great if all we needed was a sticky-note on the bathroom mirror that reads "You're Beautiful!" and all our body-thoughts fizzled into pure self-love.
The real question I hope to tackle today is how can we experience our bodies as a friend that helps us do what we love? I hope that my body can help me see interesting places, have good food and celebrate with friends I love, and so much more. It also may be helpful to consider how our body experiences the world differently from our minds. What type of care does our body need to flow with the changes we experience?
Questions to Consider
• How can you strengthen your relationship with your body? Does it feel possible to treat your body like you'd treat someone you care about? If your body were your friend, what would you do differently?
• What types of change have you seen your body experience? Can you offer awe or grace to your body's resilience to keep going despite change?
• How can you better understand your line between self-care and a desire for control?
If you are struggling with your relationship with food, exercise, or your body, support is available. You can reach the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline at 1-866-662-1235, staffed by licensed therapists specializing in eating disorders (Monday through Friday, 9:00 AM to 7:00 PM ET)
About the Author
Karen is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Associate based in Raleigh, NC. She strives to bring kindness, honesty, and humor to the counseling room. She meets with individuals and specializes in disordered eating, college student support, LGBTQIA support, religious community traumas, and perfectionism. Karen is also trained to integrate Christian practice into therapy work upon request.
